It’s back! And aren’t you glad? How have you been? Struggling to watch decent TV I’d wager. God aren’t you all stupid? But let’s not dwell on that, you don’t need that on a Monday. Mondays are bad enough as they are without having your complete ineptitude at watching TV pointed out to you. Honestly. 

ONE TO WATCH

56 Up – ITV1, 9:00pm

Almost fifty years after the landmarked series began, it’s time to see what’s up with the people who’ve decided to have their lives followed by ITV. But it’s more than grumbling about pension plans and mortgage worries. This is life affecting stuff. What’s the point in life? What happens when the dreams and aspirations that you’ve grown up to yearn for are like one drop in an ocean of regrets? Well, 56 Up is going to address these issues, and hopefully make us all feel better about life and relieve the crushing weight of parental expectations and a raft of ‘Whats the points’.

ONE TO MISS

Watching The Detectives: Channel 4 Dispatches – Channel 4, 8:00pm

Worried about what information about you is floating around on the internet? Or consistently annoyed at how people manage to ring you trying to sell inferior mobile phone tariffs? Or maybe just want to watch something that is going to boil however much piss you have left in your body after insisting the doctor does all those tests? 

You seem like the persistently angry. What’s that like? Hows the blood pressure? I bet you hate immigration don’t you? Those bastards taking all those jobs. Monsters. Well, chill out your throbbing temple veins a second and just relax. Because watching this programme will make you want to explode with rage.