Star Trek 2 Will NOT Feature Khan; A Legion Of Fanboys Dies Inside

“I’ll chase him round the moons of Nibia and round the Antarrus Maelstron and around Perdition’s Flames before I give him up and probably appear in Star Trek 3.”

The news that had an army of Star Trek fans drinking from their promotional batleth has unfortunately been entirely debunked by one of the stars. That’s right! Simon Pegg has declared that Khan will not be the villain in the Star Trek sequel.

It was very exciting to think that J.J. Abrams was going to be re-envisioning one of the most iconic Star Trek characters after Tribbles and Nurse Chapel, and that even piqued when it was announced that Benedict Cucumbersnatch was going to be playing the villainous Khan. Thinking of how Abrams could bring a more humanist approach to an often misunderstood character was going to be brilliant, and having lens flare reflecting off Ricardo Montalban’s abs frankly makes everyone’s cervix wobble a little bit.

Alas, that’s not to be. Never mind.

But that does leave the question open to who will be the villain.

It’s lucky that an insider has told us that the villain is going to be one of the following people/things/sentient rocks.

  • Harry Mudd
  • Trelane
  • Gary Mitchell
  • Talosians
  • Horta

To be honest, the only one that would be beyond brilliant is the Horta. A race of asbestos that would hopefully infect the entire crew of the Enterprise with Hortosis and then make them suffer the indignity of having to claim through http://www.whatsmyhortosisclaimworth.com.

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