In an upside down World where right and wrong seem easily interchangeable, and a man with the charm and guile of a pair of testicles with rusty electrodes attached to them (and not looking too dissimilar) can forge a career from being incredibly unlikeable and arrogant, we’re stood on the verge of another ITV2 “exclusive.”
Not Peter Andre’s Bowel Movements, or even Kerry Katona giving up gak for the “final time honest, for me kids though”. It’s Mark Wright, alumnus of The Only Way Is Essex who has graduated from the incestuous avenues of Chigwell and Brentwood and taken himself off to Los Angeles so he can show a few more million people how much of a bell end one man can be. That show is ‘Mark Wright’s Hollywood Nights.’ And a review will be ready this week, as soon as I get the all clear from the doctors to come off the respirator after seeing such an unpleasant man actively make a career for being a tool.
But instead, perhaps a Starter to the Main Course that is ‘Hollywood Nights’, I’m going to look at what makes a Mark Wright, and where the appeal lies, for those of you who are so stunned by the hypnotic orange hue of his skin that you don’t know whether to cry or make sweet, sweet love to a mandarin.
As any fan of The Only Way Is Essex (of which I’ve been cramming as many as I can into my eye holes of late) will know that Wright was one of the main protagonists, and coupled with his on again off again on again off again fiancee Lauren Goodger, were one of the main attractions of the show. It would work on a template almost: he would say something completely inflammatory and offensive to women, to which she would take umbrage against, but then turn it around and make her look like she’s a complete mentalist. A type of woman who creates tiny dolly versions of their boyfriend, but only while the rabbit in the pot cooks.
Mark and Lauren were as unpleasant as each other, and frequently seemed to try and out-cunt each other week after week. Mark might not want his best friend, James Argent to be so under the thumb one week, so Lauren will go out of her way to upset Mark’s family. A loving relationship by anyone’s standards, you’ll probably agree.
Doesn’t seem like much to base a career on here does there? Even Katie Price has established that bouncing off the carcasses of ex-partners can only get you so far before the worry that, once the zombie apocalypse comes, they’ll be back asking for their rings back and whether it was all really because of Roxanne. There has to be something else locked away in the public psyche that allows such an odious man to get away with so much for so long.
Not only does he actively wind up Lauren Goodger (and you don’t want to mess with her, she’s Goddess of the Moon or something with a face like that), but he also strings along other potential girlfriends at the very same time, in the hope that once things do go sour with Lauren (which they always do, they’ve been on and off more times than a suicidal’s gas oven) that he can hop into bed with one of them, effectively propping up his Alpha Dog ego one more time. A perfect example is during ‘The Only Way Is EsseXmas.’ Mark told Lauren that he would always love her and they would probably get back together, just shortly before getting a cab into half cat, half woman Sam Faiers for some heterosexual shagging. He’s such a LAD.
Is this an aspirational icon for people to yearn after? Do young men think ‘Mark Wright seems like a totally fine fellow and he treats women with the respect and admiration that they deserve’? Of course they don’t. They see what he truly is. A sickening blight on the ITV landscape and a reflection of the troubling split between the attitudes of men and woman. But yet they still want to emulate him.
And finally, one last point: the way that Mark treats women on The Only Way Is Essex, a program aimed directly at women, can only be described as grievously misogynistic, yet he still is revered like a hero. It’s Trojan Horse tactics to make women feel as shit as ill fitting bras do.