Jessie J Leaves The Voice; Get The Fine China Back Into Storage, She’ll Only Want To Wear It

Skeletor’s plasticine face transplant took time settling down

Wasn’t The Voice great? Well, no, not really. It was one of the more bizarre ideas that the BBC have decided to enact, and that’s taking the whole Sam and Mark thing into account as well, but it started off well. Just like most things in life a good start usually continues through to something generally shit: foreplay, books, most things. It’s one of those Rule Of Life that people write articles about.

One of the larger problems of The Voice was undoubtedly Jessie J. Striving to be the main star of the show and push Will. I. Am and his….individual way of speaking to one side, she craved the camera. Which is fine. She’s probably had so much attention of the past few years that it’s become second fiddle (something that she can sing like) to her. But good news is on the pipeline because the owner of the most wigs in the country has announced that she has quit The Voice in search of jumpsuits new.

Is this really a good thing? Of course it is! Jessie J showed herself up time and time again, and good God those faces. What was with those faces? She was like one of those old men who can gurn for ten pences in the middle of a farmer’s market, but dressed like an interpretation of Hiroshima via Topshop.

No, I don’t like Jessie J, and neither should you frankly.

Knowing that she won’t be there fills me with slight trepidation however, because if we don’t know where Jessie is at all times, the World itself will be set to Defcon 3. And if she isn’t on The Voice, what absolute swelling numpty will we have instead? *thinks un-Martine McCutcheon thoughts, thinks un-Martine McCutcheon thoughts*

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